Unschooling update - sending my kids to school?

If you follow the La Vie de Ki Facebook page (link in the sidebar), you know one of the things I discovered in the past few months and became passionate about was unschooling Krishna. A lot of you asked me to write more about unschooling. This update may not be what you (or I) saw coming but life's like that sometimes - you never know what's around the corner!

2016 was the year of transitions and challenges. Moving to India to have a baby. Adjusting to having two kids. Moving back to France. Dealing with them by myself. It was totally overwhelming.

And Krishna my 3 year old, found it pretty tough. He had spent so much time with my parents that he found life very dull without them around. He didn't like sharing me with his baby sister. He didn't want to go to sleep in his room on his bed. And most of all since he had forgotten all his French, he hated crèche.

So my husband Karthik and I did what we could as his parents. We tried our best to spend more time with him and to focus on his needs. We decided to co sleep. And we just decided to keep him home instead of forcing crèche on him. Instead we hired a babysitter who comes thrice a week.

Once we got over the initial adjustment period, things got better. And soon after, I discovered unschooling and decided that I wanted to keep my kids at home with me instead of ever sending them to school. On most days, it was fantastic. It was fun spending time with my kids, playing, reading, watching T.V., cuddling, singing, chatting..

Learning about unschooling made so many positive changes to our lives. It made both Karthik and I more gentle compassionate parents. It made us stop panicking about "junk food" and "screen time" and 'by the clock' bedtimes and super strict routines. It's not like we began living a crazy chaotic life. We still had some structure but unschooling ideas helped us move towards a life of unconditional love and joy and for that I will forever be grateful.

But, and I say this with a mix of sadness and relief, we have decided to send Krishna to school next year. Because as amazing as it was, this year was also super super tough. As if learning to parent two kids under 3 without losing my mind wasn't enough, I also had to deal with both Karthik and the kids getting chicken pox. And a few months later, I passed out and was hospitalised thanks to never ending fatigue and baby induced sleeplessness. I actually had a freaking seizure because I was just so tired!

That made me realise that I need a break. School can give me that small window where I have to deal with only one kid. Where I can actually nap when my baby naps or get stuff done instead of constantly staying up late to do it. I will have more time to blog and make YouTube videos! And it is way way cheaper than my babysitter is.

Karthik and I also think that it would really help Krishna. He is a social kid and wants to play with other kids. Unfortunately this is proving to be tough in France. All the the kids we used to have playdates with are either in daycare or in school. He passes our local preschool and begs to go in because he sees kids  in the playground playing and shouting gleefully. He tries to make friends with the kids we see at playgrounds but he doesn't speak French. It hurts to see how sad he is when no one understands him and he's left standing by himself.

In stark contrast to that, we're in India right now and a whole bunch of kids of varied age groups play with Krishna every evening. He is enjoying himself so much! If we lived in an apartment complex like this, I would unschool my kids in a heartbeat.

Language acquisition and socialisation are both things school can give him while we live abroad. These can be had from other things as well, like classes of different kinds, but those are pretty expensive and he isn't really interested enough in anything like art or music yet.

The thing that swayed me the most was talking to other moms about what the preschool (or maternelle) is like here. Unlike in India, there is no emphasis on reading or writing and thankfully no homework or tests. The kids mostly just play and do artwork and go outside to play. That honestly sounds pretty great to me, similar to what crèche was like. We loved the public daycare system so I'm really hopeful that public school will be as good. Of course, if we ever move away, we will revisit this decision depending on what schools and the local community are like where we live.

So there you have them - some of the many reasons we are sending our 3 year old to school next September. Who knows how it will go?! It may be the best thing ever. Or he may hate it in which case we will just pull him out. Or we may do preschool now and revisit homeschooling in a few years. Basically, we're just going to give school a try. :)

Potty training a toddler PART 2 - Poop training

(Have you read Part 1 of the potty training series yet? Go HERE to learn how I got rid of diapers and trained my toddler to pee in the toilet!)

Just before my mom started potty training Krishna, we bought a potty seat reducer, thinking he could sit on the toilet to poop. I remember coolly telling her that poop training would be a breeze because he usually gave really obvious cues like a certain face expression and/or trying to find a private corner and just standing there. I wish I could go back and whack myself. This was the hardest thing I have ever done.

Till I left India to go back to France with my baby, Krishna refused to have anything to do with the seat reducer. He would just hold it in till it got unbearable and then have accidents in his underwear.

I spoke to my paediatrician and she advised offering a diaper for him to poop in. She reminded me that poop isn't as instant as pee and that freaks some kids out. But he didn't want a diaper either since by then I had given birth and "diapers are for babies."

So I just persisted and kept cleaning up accident after accident while staying alert for his cues and constantly offering a small potty seat he could squat on instead of a reducer. At one point we had one in every room! It was frustrating because I also had a newborn and it was SO hard but I tried not to be angry. I did point out though that this was really tough to clean and that it would be easier if he just went on his potty seat. We read some books too about kids using the potty.

It clicked after almost a month and he started going on the potty seat about 50% of the time. I didn't overdo the praise, but again spoke about how easy this was to clean and that it was good that he was trying.

And now, about 6 months after he was pee trained I can say that Krishna is 100% potty trained, two months before his third birthday. He always tells me he has to pee or poop and follows through. No accidents of any kind in several weeks, despite more travelling and currently living in a different house with a new potty seat.

There's one major piece of advice I can give about potty training, especially with regards to poop: be patient. It is easy to resort to sticker charts and punishments and quick fix methods but ultimately the child has to learn about his bodily functions on his own and that won't happen if you are not consistent and persistent and as gentle as humanly possible.

Who knows maybe your kid will take less time than mine did. Or more. Whatever. Just go with the 'flow'! ;)

Potty training a toddler PART 1 - Pee training

I'll be honest here - I have next to nothing to do with my son being potty trained. Most of this post is being brought to you by my mom who is the one who began the process with Krishna.

I had done a lot of research about elimination communication when Krishna was a baby where you basically train the baby from birth or slightly older. I thought it sounded very cool but I soon realised that I didn't want to spend all day staring at my infant for "cues" and honestly diapers were too damn convenient.

Then came my Montessori phase. I read some excellent blog posts about potty training and decided I would go that route when Krishna was around one. I bought training pants and potties, set up a potty training station at several places in my apartment. This was an epic fail. I ended up with pee everywhere and a kid who wanted nothing to do with the potty and I gave up a few days in.

So this basically leads me to tip #1: Potty training is easiest when the child is old enough to verbally communicate they need to pee or poop and to walk to the toilet by himself/herself.

When I moved to India to have my second baby my mom was appalled that Krishna wasn't potty trained yet at almost 2 years old. She promised me that she would train him in April and that he would be off diapers in a month. Did it work? Yup! But he wasn't fully 100% potty trained till December.

Tip #2: It takes time. Yes, I know you heard about that 3 day method. Yes, it works. Sort of. I have a friend who tried it with great success. But the kid still wore diapers on outings and at night and on holiday. That really shouldn't count as trained now should it?!

Here's what my mom did when Krishna was 2 years and 3 months old - she threw all his diapers away. She told him he doesn't need them anymore and would wear underwear henceforth.

Tip #3: Be badass like my mom and go cold turkey. Once you say bye to diapers don't look back.

The first few days he just peed right through the undies and left puddles everywhere which my mom cleaned up without any scolding or shaming. He slowly started recognising the sensation of urinating and started exclaiming "oh I'm doing a pee pee!" Mom also took him to the loo every few hours and tried to encourage him to pee. Right from the beginning she encouraged him to use the toilet to do his stuff rather than a tiny potty. She just set up a stool so he could pee directly into the toilet. It genuinely worked! After a week or so he would pee most of the times she took him and in another fortnight he started saying he had to pee.

Tip #4: That 100th puddle of pee will almost kill you. Be gentle. It is a slow slow slooooooooow process.

What about nights you ask? We took him to pee just before he went for a nap or to sleep. At night my mom took him to pee just before she went to bed as well, around 11pm. This helped keep him dry at night and taught me that a fully asleep child can actually pee in command. Totally cool and incredibly creepy. Naps weren't as easy. If he happened to wake from a nap he would pee immediately. But that stopped within a couple of weeks.

Tip #5: Do the midnight pee. It totally works. I think we had like one accident at night. ONE!

We did have a few accidents when out because Krishna was too distracted to tell us or didn't realise till he had already peed. One of these was at the visa office. Embarrassing man! But within 2 months of his being pee trained we travelled from India to France which is about 15-16 hours total. We survived on 1 pair of underwear!!!

A few weeks later, we stopped the 11pm pee too. Not a single accident!!! That's when I realised that my mom's method had worked! Krishna was successfully pee trained at 2.5!

Poop training however took time and that's too long a story to fit in this post. So come back for part 2 in a few days!!

The 5 minute toddler sleep routine

When my first baby was born, I was determined that we would never co sleep, that he would be sleep trained and soothe himself to sleep and that I would get my full night's sleep back before he was 1.

What really happened? I didn't even use a crib till he was 6 months old. We did sleep train but that didn't stand the test of time and we didn't have the heart to do it all over again. I rocked/patted/shushed him to sleep till he my second was born. In fact I was putting him to sleep even while I was in labour!!

And after that? He co sleeps with my husband and I! So we've come full circle after 3 freaking years. He falls asleep only if he is "stuck to me" (his words, not mine) but he takes only 5 minutes to go to sleep after which I sneak out and he stays asleep till the next morning.

What is the secret of this 5 minute toddler bedtime routine? Here are my top toddler sleep tips:

1. Don't follow the clock, follow the child

My son doesn't have a fixed bedtime. We follow his cues and keeping his waking time and activity levels of the day in mind to decide when to head to bed. It changes a bit every day which makes all the difference to both falling asleep quickly and then actually staying asleep.

2. Create an atmosphere of sleep

The moment he seems sleepy we start dimming the lights all over the house, keeping our voices low and slowly keeping toys away. He has now come to associate this with bedtime.

3. Have a soothing routine based on your child's needs, not something you read in a book

My ideal routine would be to read 2 stories, give him a goodnight kiss and leave the room while he falls asleep. My kid's however is 2 stories, maybe 3, then basically trying to use me a mattress till he falls asleep. He needs those few minutes of (slightly suffocating) snuggles after a long day of sharing me with his sister and I'm happy to oblige.

4. Keep physical activity levels high during the day

Toddlers need a lot of outdoor time to walk and run and play. Unless it is pouring rain or someone is ill, we go out every single day. It really tires him out.

5. Drop the nap

I'll do a separate post on how we did this but yes, ending naptime forever, while it was super painful especially with a newborn, has helped a ton. Otherwise we used to have our toddler resisting sleep even at minight and it made us grumpy and sleep deprived and resentful. Without a nap he sleeps 11-12 hours overnight which is miraculous. Sometimes he'll come to me at 7pm and say "I'm tired, let's go to bed." How absolutely unbelievable and amazing is that?!

This advice may seem simplistic but these ideas have made getting my toddler to sleep the most awaited part of my day and I really hope they do the same for you.

Finally after 3 long years we have the world's easiest sleep routine, my son gets a good night's sleep and bedtime is early enough that my husband and I can get some down time. Or so I think until I remember I have another kid who still wakes every couple of hours! Oh well, we have just another 2.5 years to go!! ;)

What's with the blog?

The past year has been all about shuffling from France to India and back. Rinse and repeat. I'm currently back in India with both Krishna and baby Ira for a couple of months, possibly longer. And filming and editing just isn't happening here. I don't have my tripod, lighting isn't right.. there's a long list that just makes it almost impossible.

But you guys have been so patient. And responded as well to the stuff I write and put up on my Facebook page.

So for now I'm just going to put everything in writing here on this neglected blog. It'll give me an easy way to connect with you all and keep offering awesome content without feeling guilty about making videos that aren't top quality.

The channel is being revamped though and should be up and running at some point in 2017 though. When? I'm not sure yet.

So be sure to follow this blog on Bloglovin' and La Vie de Ki on Facebook for new posts and updates!