When I ended up formula feeding my first baby I was ashamed. I had always intended to breastfeed him and it hadn't even occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to do it. Formula was my big failure as a mom, the one area where I couldn't provide my baby the best option out there settling instead for a mass produced copy which came along with lashings of guilt and a copious amount of judgement and disdain from others.
When I was pregnant with my second baby I vowed that I would not repeat my mistakes. I was well informed and totally prepared to succeed at breastfeeding. But a few months after her birth I found myself at the same juncture, supporting a wailing infant with one hand and holding a bottle of formula with the other.
However this time, to be completely honest, I felt kind of relieved. Don't get me wrong, I still felt bad that despite trying everything under the sun I couldn't nurse my baby for very long. But formula felt like an old friend, not a sworn enemy. When everything else failed, there was another way to feed my baby, one that, despite its poor reputation, had done no harm to my perfectly healthy toddler.
Instead of cringing as soon as my baby cried, gearing up for unbearable pain, I began to look forward to each feed. Hearing her gulp her milk down rather than seeing her struggling and flailing endlessly at my breast made me so happy. Knowing how much milk she actually drank rather than worrying when she popped on and off the breast gave me peace of mind. Someone else could feed her at night while I caught up on much needed sleep so I was able to keep up with both my kids' needs the next morning. Formula feeding no longer left me feeling inadequate. On the contrary, I felt like my bond with my baby became stronger because I wasn't as stressed.
I don't want to pretend that formula feeding has no downsides. To begin with, it is bloody expensive. The milk itself costs a lot but on adding in bottles, nipples, a steriliser and various other accessories including a machine that always produces bottles at the perfect temperature, we ended up paying a small fortune for the nourishment that would've. been free had I managed to breastfeed. Washing and sterilising the above mentioned stuff every day is another freaking pain in the butt.
And don't get me started on how inconvenient it is, be it in the middle of the night when I am trying to measure out the right number of scoops while simultaneously trying to soothe a screaming baby or when we are travelling and I realise we need an entire suitcase for the formula tin, bottles and all the other paraphernalia that goes with them.
But this time around when I chose to stop nursing and pumping and turned to formula feeding, I knew what I was getting into. I was aware of the negatives and they didn't faze me at all because I knew it was all doable. After all I'd done it before!
It's been about 8 months now since that first bottle of formula and we are doing great. I'm a happy, relaxed mother and I have a healthy baby whose growth is absolutely on track. I don't regret this choice at all and I would probably make it again if I were to have another kid.
It's a hard choice to make though, especially for a first time mom, because it seems like the worst possible option out there.
So here is my message for formula feeding mothers: Formula is absolutely fine. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It isn't breast milk but it is as close as mankind can make it. So whether you choose to formula feed from the beginning, switch from breastfeeding to formula feeding or just give a bottle of formula here and there, relax. You're not a bad mom. Your kid will be fine.
Breastfeeding, awesome as it is, isn't the defining factor of successful mothering. Bottle fed babies aren't loved any less and they are as fiercely attached to their parents as all other babies and toddlers are. You have a lifetime of choices to make for your child so don't get so worked up about this one that you forget that this is just a phase. Enjoy it and move on! It's all going to turn out fine. Trust me. :)