I failed at attachment parenting

I have this great bunch of mom friends. They are fantastic people and I admire them both as women and as mothers. And they are all attachment parents.

I wasn't an AP mom the first time around and it worked out fine to be honest. But I always wondered about the bond my friends shared with their kids. Some of the things they did seemed magical. They breastfed their babies, often well into toddlerhood and seemed to love it. They slept with their kids next to them and talked about the great sleep that bed sharing helped them get. They swore by baby wearing and how soothing and comforting it was for their kids. I wanted to be part of this club too! So with my second I read up about the AP style and decided that we would try out some or the things my friends raved about.

I realised pretty soon that it wasn't going to work. To begin with, I didn't enjoy breastfeeding at all. I ended up formula feeding and I was totally fine with that.

When I stopped nursing, I realised just how much I disliked bed sharing. Don't get me wrong, I love snuggles with my kids and I'm constantly showering them with hugs and kisses all day long. But when that day ends? I want them in their beds in their own room. I like my space at night and I was a fool to think that this would change.

That doesn't mean I ignore them all night long. I'm up as soon as they need me. If they are unwell or teething they definitely end up in my bed. But if they are fine and fast asleep, they're on their own!

I have to admit that I wore baby #2 a lot more than I did my firstborn especially in the early days. But now that she's almost 9 months old she spends almost all her awake time on the floor and usually naps in her crib instead of on me. Which is great because she is getting heavy! I also prefer to take her out in her stroller because again, it gives me a bit of space and my baby can look around more freely. Plus the stroller has so much room for keeping stuff like diapers and snacks. Otherwise I'd be wearing the baby and lugging around a giant diaper bag and cursing my life.

I'm pretty sure that not fulfilling these three pretty basic requirements disqualifies me from ever referring to myself as an attachment parent.

But if you could see me right now with one kid hanging off my shoulder and the other clawing at my leg, you would notice that my kids are happy and thriving and very securely attached to me, often literally, even if I didn't do anything by the "rules". It's taken me three years to realise that I don't need to ape anyone's parenting style. It's ok to be an attachment parenting failure. I just try my hardest to be loving, gentle and respectful and that's what matters!

Potty training a toddler PART 2 - Poop training

(Have you read Part 1 of the potty training series yet? Go HERE to learn how I got rid of diapers and trained my toddler to pee in the toilet!)

Just before my mom started potty training Krishna, we bought a potty seat reducer, thinking he could sit on the toilet to poop. I remember coolly telling her that poop training would be a breeze because he usually gave really obvious cues like a certain face expression and/or trying to find a private corner and just standing there. I wish I could go back and whack myself. This was the hardest thing I have ever done.

Till I left India to go back to France with my baby, Krishna refused to have anything to do with the seat reducer. He would just hold it in till it got unbearable and then have accidents in his underwear.

I spoke to my paediatrician and she advised offering a diaper for him to poop in. She reminded me that poop isn't as instant as pee and that freaks some kids out. But he didn't want a diaper either since by then I had given birth and "diapers are for babies."

So I just persisted and kept cleaning up accident after accident while staying alert for his cues and constantly offering a small potty seat he could squat on instead of a reducer. At one point we had one in every room! It was frustrating because I also had a newborn and it was SO hard but I tried not to be angry. I did point out though that this was really tough to clean and that it would be easier if he just went on his potty seat. We read some books too about kids using the potty.

It clicked after almost a month and he started going on the potty seat about 50% of the time. I didn't overdo the praise, but again spoke about how easy this was to clean and that it was good that he was trying.

And now, about 6 months after he was pee trained I can say that Krishna is 100% potty trained, two months before his third birthday. He always tells me he has to pee or poop and follows through. No accidents of any kind in several weeks, despite more travelling and currently living in a different house with a new potty seat.

There's one major piece of advice I can give about potty training, especially with regards to poop: be patient. It is easy to resort to sticker charts and punishments and quick fix methods but ultimately the child has to learn about his bodily functions on his own and that won't happen if you are not consistent and persistent and as gentle as humanly possible.

Who knows maybe your kid will take less time than mine did. Or more. Whatever. Just go with the 'flow'! ;)